God, I don’t want to keep pretending that I enjoy you or love you. I want to love you like I am “supposed to” but for some reason I am being held back. You aren’t the most important thing in this life to me and I am really sorry. I’ve been lukewarm towards you and putting literally anything and everything in front of a relationship with you, but I am slowly working on changing that and fixing it. I need your help though. I want you to change me, I really wish to genuinely enjoy you. I want to experience true satisfaction, pleasure, and joy in our relationship. I want to love you more than anything on this earth, even though I know that will be difficult for me. I want to treasure the kingdom of heaven so much that I’d be willing to sell everything in order to get it. I love how caring and compassionate you are for every single person in this world and how you reserve judgment on everyone if they come to you and ask for help. You work miracles and I have no doubt in my mind about that – you can do anything. I also love how you give us all free will, even if it hurts you. It’s incredible.
I need to give myself up. I am not strong enough to love you and walk with you on my own. I can’t do it, and I need you. I need you deeply and desperately. I believe you are worth it, that you are better than anything else I could have in this life or the next. I want you. And when I don’t, I want to want you. Be all in me. Take all of me. Have your way with me, but please help me see what it is you want from me – clearly.
gentleraindrops 